I was flipping through my facebook pictures tonight because I was bored and I realized that, through the years, I have many different faces of drunk. Come my friends, let’s take a look at the many faces of inebriation.
If I remember correctly, it was my sophomore year(2004) when we first got the real facebook and so any pictures from my freshman year do not exist. And let’s be honest, if there were any, they wouldn’t have been any good.
This little gem is from New Year’s 2004. The beginning of 2004 is when I got to bond with Des and her little, Megan. How I love them for showing me not only how to throw a good party, but how to have fun at one!
New Year's 2004
Big sunglasses and a stripper bowtie are not normally things I would don under sober circumstances.
The summer of 2005 was delightful because I got to go to beautiful San Diego with Charlie to watch Mike get hitched. We were mostly responsible while we were there but one night sticks out in particular. Mike was in the army at that time, and so went on base and bought some cheap liquor from Camp Pendleton and proceeded to drink it heavily before our dinner with Mike and Janet’s family. This picture was taken on the way to said dinner where we drank even more and after which we came back to our hotel and drank until I ended up on a heap on the floor. Oh lord, as Charlie can attest, it was an interesting night.
This is a face you'll see again.
Our next entry is from the ADP formal dance thing from our senior year. I was Myla’s date and after prepartying with her before the engagement, we got to the place and proceeded to inhale our two bottles of wine that was supposed to serve as our refreshments for the evening. I was feeling pretty good about myself until Des lured me into the parking lot to drink more with her from her secret stash in her trunk. One of my last clear thoughts from this evening was taking a bottle of vanilla flavored SKY Vodka and chugging it straight from the bottle. Sadness followed shortly thereafter. However, in her trunk was this amazing hat that I wore for quite some time much to my own amusement. Despite this, the night did not end well.
You know you're drunk when you put on a straw hat
When your best friend tags you in a picture with a caption that says, “I don’t remember this,” it’s a pretty good sign that not only was she intoxicated, but you were as well. This next one is from Geno’s stoplight party that he threw which involved some serious games of flip cup that was ultimately both mine and Jessica’s downfall. I know this is from my senior year because I’m actually chubby in this picture from a season inactivity, drinking heavily, and eating Chipotle two times a day.
Three mult-colored straws in your mouth = drunk
Naturally, this journey would not be complete without a spring break picture. Luckily for me, a large group of us traveled to South Padre Island for Spring Break 2007 and enjoyed thunderstorms, power hours, peel and eat shrimp, and drunkenness. Once again, Jessica is my sidekick in this picture. If I remember correctly, she was no where near as drunk as me and this is indicated by the fact that I am clearly grasping for an alcoholic drink without any clear awareness of my surroundings. As a side note, I just remembered that this was the bar where Jessica was selected to be the judge of a bikini contest! So not fair!
Lusting after the drink
As we move into my post graduate drinking days, this next picture made me realize that it was the only time I had ever involved shaving cream and alcohol. The two have such enormous entertainment value that I’m surprised I haven’t combined the two before. If you’re good at picking up on context clues, this was Charlie’s 23rd birthday celebration at his apartment. We barbecued and drank all night and I don’t know why, but I busted out my can of shaving cream and it never seemed to run out. We ended up in Charlie’s community pool around 4:30 in the morning to wash it all off. There was a thin white foam on the surface of the pool after we were done.
If you're drunk and you know it, clap your hands...
When you go to a wedding, I expect there to be booze. However, at Jeremy’s wedding, there wasn’t a drop. So Big Dan and I behaved until after the wedding when we found a pub called Fox and the Hound. We then decided to celebrate and drink for every single person at that wedding and got completely shit canned. It was the first and only time I have ever racked up a $100 dollar tab between just two people. The flight home the next morning was not a lot of fun.
The eyes give it away.
I’m going to conclude with an image that is not the next one in chronological order but one I feel I will never top. In terms of sheer stupid drunkenness, captured in a still image, there is no comparison. This was the night of my 23rd birthday and on sixth street, along with Katie, Jessica, and Geno, I drank myself stupid with free birthday shots and beers. I dare anyone to top this picture. It is the essence of drunk, the quintessential statue of inebriation. And so, without further adieu, I give you the #1 all-time drunk Danimal picture: